Finding a true friend can be like searching for a needle in a haystack. Once you learn how to spot a crappy friend, you also learn how to stop wasting your time and energy on people that suck!
- Social Climbing Samantha: This is the girl that you may think is tons of fun and always knows where the most fun parties are in your 20’s. When something is actually wrong or any kind of deep conversation comes up, they are suddenly MIA. They are there for you when you are at your best, and absent when you are at your worst. The majority of any “Real Housewives” cast is made up of these women. They don’t care who you are, where you’re from, or who you love. As long as you know someone important, have lots of money, or can increase their exposure in some way. Unfortunately, these women do not evolve after their twenties. They become mommies, Aunt’s, even Grandma’s. Still, their pathetic agenda is clear to all: attention, attention, STATUS! Like me, notice me. Please.
2. Insecure Isabelle: A close relative of Jealous Jenny, this girl is not completely happy with herself. We have all been there before at the weakest points of our lives. It is extremely hard to be happy for anyone else when you aren’t happy with yourself. An insecure Isabelle is a friend who may have been dumped or recently divorced, may be self conscious with her weight, or insecure about whatever failures that may be going on in her life. She needs guidance, she needs help. You can offer your assistance to this friend who may be going through a rough time… or it may be something more sinister. It may be something beyond a temporary moment. It may be something deep inside of her, for whatever reason; and this is truly sad. Insecurity can breed any of the following friends: a jealous Jenny, or even a mean girl Melissa.
3. Jealous Jenny: One of the most common shitty friends that can be found, this is a woman who has devolved from insecure Isabelle. She is not 100% happy with herself or her life. She wishes she could be something more, and she sees a happy and secure woman… and then proceeds to hate on her. This can be demonstrated in so many different ways.
- Failing to clap when you succeed. She can’t stand any of your success. You got engaged? Had a beautiful wedding? Got your Master’s? She is suddenly weird, MIA, or just plain silent. Maybe she has something going on in her life but if you notice this repeatedly, she is probably jealous.
- One upping. Anything you are proud of? She’s done better. She has to compete with you every chance she gets.
4. Loser Lila: This girl has nothing going for her, no direction, and no aspirations. She is just floating through life. She may love drugs, sex, fun, and little to nothing else. She doesn’t care about anyone, anything, or where she’s going. Much like Sheryl Crowe, all she wants to do is have some fun. That may be great if you’re in the same mindset, but if not; it can be really irritating. She doesn’t understand why you have to wake up for classes, work, or to take care of a child. There is so much fun to be had! Similar to social climbing Samantha, her interests are few and far in between. Her aim is to find someone to have fun with. If you actually need her, she will be MIA.
5. Mean girl Melissa: This girl is a close relative of insecure Isabelle and jealous Jenny. She is not happy with herself or her past, so she tries to inflict pain on other women to inflate her own ego. She just loves to tear anyone down to put herself up. Your relationship often involves talking shit about others. Why? Because it can be fun… but often times, you come out of it feeling dirty. Why? Because its mean. Maybe it also means you have little to nothing else to talk about with each other because you have NOTHING in common. You bring out the worst in each other. You have to ask yourself, why? Why talk shit about other people and be negative when there are so many other topics in the universe to talk about. Also: as soon as “Stacy,” one of your mutual best friends leaves the room she is eager to talk shit about her to you. Think she won’t stab you in the back as well? You’re fooling yourself. If you see she is not trustworthy with others, she probably won’t be trustworthy to you either.
6. Narcissist Nancy: Me me me me meee!!! Once again, a close relative of mean girl Melissa, as well as jealous Jenny. She is incredibly self absorbed. She can do no wrong. She cannot standdd to hear about any one else’s success or happiness since it takes away attention from her. This is a real and dangerous personality disorder that is more common than you may think. Some of the attributes may reflect:
- Belittling or looking down on people they perceive as inferior
- Acting entitled or as though they deserve something special… they believe they deserve the best of everything
- Only call you when they need you: whether its to support their image or a material object they need, they are there to ask it from you
- Can’t admit or even see when they are wrong because they are perfect in their minds
- Think everyone is jealous of them
7. Flakey Felicia: She is always canceling last minute, is never dependable, or always late. Maybe she is really busy, or maybe something better came along. One thing is for sure: she doesn’t respect your time at all! If she’s repeatedly wasting your time, it may be time to say goodbye to Felicia.
There you go: the shitty types of female friends I have encountered. They are common and easy to spot once you’ve been tricked by a few of them. Sometimes you have to decide for yourself when is it truly a rough patch and when is it time to cut someone off completely? One thing is true: if you can’t be 100% honest with someone they never were your true friend in the first place! When you finally have learned how to spot a diamond in the rough, hold on to them forever. True friends are out there, although they may be a needle in a haystack. Hold on to them for dear life if you are so lucky to find them!